Merry Christmas from Siberia!

The legend of Snowflake comes from permanently frozen lands of Siberia. My granny used to tell it to me every Christmas in that special granny-voice of hers. She’s gone now, but the story lives. This Christmas I want to share it with you.

“She began her long descent far above the surface. Shivering from the cold, spinning slowly, she floated downwards. Her fall into the chasm seemed infinite and useless and, though she was surrounded by millions like her, loneliness was her only companion.

Dealing with loss

Before I begin today’s blog, I want to express my sincere gratitude for your kindness and support. It’s been a hard month and your kind words and good wishes guided me through the darkest moments, giving me strength and giving me hope.

When I first wrote an outline to the Gardener, condemning my main character, Alan Walker, to losing the people he loved, little did I know how close I would get to going through that myself. I say close and yes that means my dad is getting better. Oh so very slowly, but better nonetheless. Over the past few weeks he’s been moved to a good hospital, had neurosurgery and is now officially stable, though he will remain in a drug-induced coma for the next 3-4 weeks. His doctors say he has a chance for full recovery, which I know he does because he’s a fighter. He’s always been one.

Literary Agents, Myth or Reality

That’s it. Yesterday, I’ve sent off the last envelope with my manuscript submission to the last agent. I feel strangely nervous, a sort of stomach-tight high, the way I felt after exams at school and University. You submit the paper; you get your stuff and make your way home. You feel drained and hollow and desperate to know the results. And yet, you feel elated. You’ve done it. All you do now is wait. Wait, but try not to think about it. Waiting consciously has a peculiar effect of stretching the time dimension to infinite lengths. Get your mind on other things and time suddenly speeds up to a gallop.

But as I wait, I have a question to ask. I’ve read a lot about the process of getting a book published over the last two weeks. I understand and accept the difficulties involved in becoming one of the chosen ones who actually get to see their work in book shops. What concerned me were the reports of the so-called rogue agents, the ones who charge reading/editing fees, who promote their own paid services and participate in referral schemes. There is also plenty criticism directed at amateur or incompetent agents. I would like to hear your opinion on this topic.

Dishonesty and incompetence of literary agencies, is it myth or reality?

Writing Synopsis

I’ve decided to take your advice and submit my work to a literary agency. It took a few days fighting doubts and a couple of phone conversations with my parents to make that decision and now I feel scared and exited at the same time.

I’ve done some research during the last week and it made me realise that getting a book published is a long and complicated process. The first thing that I came across was Rejection. Don’t get discouraged by rejections. It’s all right to get a lot of rejections. Everyone gets rejections. Etcetera, etcetera. Oh well, at least I’ll know what to expect...

Snowflake, The Legend

I have already mentioned the reason I decided to use Snowflake as the title for my novel.

In the novel Sally Clarke tells her daughter, Amanda, a legend about a Snowflake. She explains to the child that kindness fights cruelty, friendship is better than enmity, truth is worth much more than lies and only indifference has no antidote. Snowflakes have been sent as a reminder to people to care for each other, to clear their mind and soul of negativity, to notice the beauty of the world around them. Tiny snowflakes, each an epitome of care taken in crafting it differently from millions of others. They are like a human souls carved in ice: so similar, yet each unique.

I’m going away on a three week long holiday in a few days time. I’ll be visiting my parents, my grandparents and my German shepherd. I’m also planning to do some serious writing in a hope that the walls and the gardens of my childhood home will nourish my imagination. In the meanwhile, I’d like to leave the Legend of the Snowflake for you to read.

Indifference

It’s easy to understand why people do good things; it’s the bad that puzzle. In children’s fairytales villains are simple, two-dimensional characters with little depth and the only fitting description of evil. As grownups we understand that good and bad have shades of grey in between. How is it that a real-life villain is made? Can simple feelings, even positive traits, turn into flaws nasty enough to make us into a villain? Can admiration turn to envy, fear into cruelty, contentment into indifference?

Indifference is the feeling I want to talk about today. Is indifference a vice? Is indifference to human suffering as bad as causing that suffering? Is indifference good or bad, or neutral? I see indifference as a null-feeling, a no-feeling. To me it’s not an opposite of care, but a no care, a complete absence of compassion. We get so engrossed into our own lives, our own problems that we forget to think about other people. When I talk about indifference I hear people responding: “What’s the point, there’s nothing I can do about it.” You don’t need to be able to do anything to care. And if enough of us care, maybe then we’ll finally be able to do something.

Global Economic Crisis

I don’t think that the topic of Economic Crisis needs an introduction. The one that happened, or rather got accepted and announced, just over six months ago affected nearly every one of us. People like me who were trying to get a foothold on the property ladder, found getting mortgages impossible; people already owning a home suffered from bad rates (unless you had a tracker), negative equity, even repossession. Coincidentally, organisations started major re-structuring and improvement of the overall org charts A.K.A. sacking. And job losses became another big hit of this crisis that turned global.

It didn’t take long for the why-it-all-happened programs to appear on TV, so at least now we have an official version of what went wrong. I don’t know exactly why the financial bubble burst, but I believe that there were plenty cyber criminals who used the situation to their advantage, worsening the effects of crisis further. I’m trying to describe one such possible scenario in the Snowflake. However, before I do, I want to ask for your opinion. Would you agree that serious computer crime doesn’t get enough coverage and that the real extent of cyber machinations is much greater than we are lead to believe?

Boss

I remember learning the word boss at a fairly young age (it actually sounds the same in Russian). It was someone my dad argued with, my mum got upset by, while my granny kept insisting that hers shouldn’t have got the job in the first place. Having worked professionally for a while now, I can declare that I’ve been lucky with bosses. Our managers are people who used to do the same job we do. They understand the difficulties and encourage openness and collaboration. Still, they do, at times, force their point of view. With explanations, of course. They oversee the projects and sometimes they have to call the shots. But if I believe my manager is wrong, I go and talk to him. No problem there. The situation I’m trying to describe in the Snowflake is the opposite.

There are certain jobs that require more responsibility on the manager’s part, the jobs that carry higher penalties for failure. In a job like that, a boss might be stricter, have a more totalitarian point of view. Now, if your boss was like that and he/she happened to firmly believe something that you felt was wrong, what would you do? And what if you already tried to point out the mistake and he/she refused to listen, refused to even consider it? How would you go about it?

Have you ever faced a situation like this?

Snowflake, Chapter 3

I want to give special thanks to everyone who follows my blog, leaves comments and answers my seemingly unrelated questions. I promise that all the posts on this blog are related to various topics raised in the novel and I hope that one day I’ll be able to write your names in the acknowledgements section on the first pages of the Snowflake. As for now, I’d like to give you Chapter 3.

Child in distress

Humans are social animals. We need community, small group of people, who are always there for us to rely on. We enjoy ‘me-time’, but still crave that emotional high that only interaction with others can bring. Sharing, chatting, having a laugh, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Yet, it is the ability to ask for help, ability to use experience of others, that differentiate us from the rest of the animal kingdom and give a deeper meaning to our need for interaction.

We’ve all been there. In a place with seemingly no exit. In a place like this, our family, friends, loved ones, even people we met on the tube never to see them again, can provide valuable advice, insight, help. Of course, asking for that help can be tough. Especially, if you are a child, your parents are not there and people around you not realising that there’s anything wrong. What do you do? Who do you turn to?

Regular breaks while writing.

Your feedback is proving to be a great inspiration for my writing. Like a siren, it sends out a glorious song that my muse doesn’t seem able to refuse. I wrote two chapters in the last week and started a third. Unfortunately, my personal monster – the doubt – also decided to make a comeback and I need your advice. Recently I’ve been finding it very easy to write. Not only that, writing seems to happen without much intervention on my part. Sometimes, I feel that somebody has uploaded all the information into my head and I’m simply relaying it onto computer screen. I’ve done some reading on the topic, but couldn’t find a definitive answer. There’s, of course, the infamous NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) approach where participants write 50,000 words in a month, though that’s not quite it. Still, there many published writers out there who insist that writing ‘on a single breath’ (as we Russians say) leads to plot stagnation and monotony in narrative. I would like to hear your opinion on the question. Is it necessary to take regular breaks while writing, even when you have plenty to write about?

Snowflake, Chapter 2

I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed reading the Snowflake. I surely have enjoyed writing it for you. To be perfectly honest, I expected more criticism. My hands did tremble slightly every time I checked the page. And yes, I have indeed mistyped the address too many times to count this week.

Roger, your words touched me deeply. I’m glad that Internet gives us this unique chance to meet and talk to interesting and strong people like you.

I will try to incorporate all your feedback into my writing and, hopefully, one day I’ll be able to get simple pleasure from knowing that somewhere out there, there are people escaping reality of everyday life and losing themselves in my stories. In the meanwhile, please read the second chapter of the Snowflake. I hope it takes you on a little journey.

Why Snowflake? Also read Chapter 1.

Thank you for all the responses. I’m very interested in ConstantRambler’s comment and I’ll make sure to learn from it. Indeed, the main heroine of the Snowflake is a little girl, and though I hope that the story will be interesting to younger readers, it is primarily aimed at adults. In the novel, I’ll try to describe a little girl who, just like the snowflake, started her life among millions like herself. She’s just as pure and innocent as that tiny drop of frozen water, moving through life without any understanding of what awaits her. Humans experience life through emotions. Sometimes we feel elated, others – down. Sometimes we are content and other times we are bored beyond belief of life itself. But then there are moments for each and every one of us when we’re suddenly faced with a question of the meaning of life, of our purpose in it.

I remember a time when as a child I woke up in the middle of the night with the deepest feeling of fear. It was the first time when I thought about dying or more precisely of not being. I’m sure everyone had one of those moments. My parents heard me crying and, once they found out the reason, they told me a story – a legend – about a tiny snowflake. The thing that stuck in my mind, that calmed me down, was that the snowflake always comes back, but only if she tried to do something good on her previous visit. Using the snowflake as example, I want to show that even the tiniest being on Earth has its own mission, its own purpose.

Computing crime and our vulnerability to digital intrusion is merely a backdrop to that story. Ultimately, it is humans that we are most interested in. And it is one little girl – Amanda Clarke – who will be chosen, challenged and forced to grow up if she’s ever allowed to get her life back. Still, I’ll keep in mind ConstantRambler’s comment and make sure there’s enough action in the book to satisfy even the choosiest of readers.

I’ll admit that the legend about a snowflake that underpins the book has been in my mind for a while, but I’m going to leave its presentation for later. For now, I’d like to present the first chapter of the Snowflake. As always, all comments, positive and negative, are welcome.

I also want to ask everyone a question. Do you believe in destiny or karma?

Snowflake, Introduction

I’m pleasantly surprised to find first visitors on my blog, who cared enough to leave comments. Thank you for answering my questions and I hope to see you again. You caught me unawares as, I must admit, I haven’t given writing enough attention this week. No, it wasn’t just laziness (though there’s always a bit of that). I had a hell of a week at work and didn’t have enough in me to write anything good. To make it up to you, I decided to upload an Introduction to my novel, Snowflake. I hope you enjoy reading it. All your comments, positive and negative, are greatly appreciated.

Arguments in the family

Nothing is ever perfect. A perfect life is what we all strive towards, but once there, we should be left alone to enjoy the bliss. It’s the problems and struggles that make it to books. And it’s a first serious problem for Clarkes.

Every family is ultimately built on trust and when something to shatter that trust slithers into a relationship, it hits hard and leaves splinters behind. Leo and Sally have a serious argument in the third chapter. I’ve tried to re-create realistic conditions to spark and then fuel the fight. After all, arguments typically stem from the same set of roots. Secrets in the family, whether or not they are directed against the other half, misunderstandings, coincidental circumstances. Sometimes a fight can be deliberately provoked by a third party looking for something to gain. What other things can cause a serious argument among close people?

Child Abuse

Have you noticed how sometimes a topic that wasn’t discussed for a while suddenly springs up everywhere, all at once? During the last few weeks several child abuse cases have been publicized on TV and web, talked about at work and that inevitably left a mark on my writing. I must admit, violence is against my nature. Violence towards children sickens me and hurts all the way to the heart. I can’t understand it and I can never forgive it.

In the second chapter, Jason – an excellent lawyer, but a single man – is accused of viewing child pornography. There is solid evidence found on his hard drive, months of historical data. Still, is he a criminal or a victim? He does, after all, claim to be a technophobe. Is this technophobia just a lack of computing knowledge, which meant he couldn’t cover up his tracks well? Or is it a cover up in itself? If Jason is indeed guilty, then we can never forgive him, but if he is merely a victim, then why is he being set up and why in such a horrific way?

Technophobia

Jason Munroe, a lawyer and a friend of the Clarkes, is a self-confessed technophobe. Yes, you’re right. That quality of his is partially modeled on somebody I know. I’m lucky enough to have my parents share and understand my passion for computers. It’s my grandparents who remain to be convinced that using Skype and a webcam is far superior to a good old landline (especially pricewise on international calls). You see, my granny seems particularly intimidated by The Computer thing. And yet, she used to be a well-qualified doctor, a person with a very demanding job, responsibilities, and a fare share of medical equipment. Still, The Computer is a scary beast to her.

Uncle Jason is very similar. He’s a successful lawyer with a long list of powerful clients. During his twenty-year career he dealt with a variety of criminal cases, helping thousands of people get out of a legal deadlock. Yet, he knows very little about computers. Apart from Word and email, of course.

He’s embarrassed of being a technophobe, but I wonder if technophobia exists as such. Isn’t it part of a bigger fear? Fear of change, or maybe fear of failure? And isn’t it, sometimes, a case of mistaken identity with the lack-of-time problem we all face more and more often? I appreciate that if you are reading this, then you are likely not to be afraid of computers. That’s great, but remember that fear is also a great protection mechanism and is therefore useful. We lock our front doors because of fear of an intruder, so we should remember to lock down our operating systems for that same reason. That little bit of caution can go a long way.

It’s alive!

Well, not quite alive yet, but the vital signs are there. Amanda, for one, answered my question of ‘What else does a kid need?’ rather firmly.

‘A puppy. A yellow lab would do just fine, thank you.’

You see in real life puppy is one of those things that is often promised, but never quite given. So, I’ve decided for once to grant the child’s wish immediately.

Amanda gets the pup – Sparky seems to be the name – as a birthday present from Uncle Jason, a lawyer and a close friend of the family. I’m not going to tell you about the screams and cuddles that followed. Those are self-evident. At this moment in time, Jason is much more of an interest to me. He wasn’t planned, but rather cruised into the story on his own accord. What nobody is aware of yet is the major impact his appearance is going to have on Clarkes’s future.

First characters are born

March. The spring is here. And, though British spring deals out good weather grudgingly, I feel its presence and I feel its call. My first characters are beginning to sprout from the small seeds I’ve planted over the last months and I can’t wait to see how they are going to turn out. Let me introduce them to you.

Present day. An American family in time of change. Congressman Leo Clarke has been given a new assignment as the Chairman of the Committee on Natural Resources. The family moves to their nice new house in the suburbs of Washington, DC. Sally Clarke is forced to give up her University job and become a schoolteacher. Ten-year-old Amanda Clarke, Leo’s and Sally’s only child, is least affected by the move. She lives and breathes computers, hangs out on the Net and her virtual world moves seamlessly with her. Besides, she’s still surrounded by love and care of her parents. What else does a kid need?

Snowflake, The story

I’m back and I’m still on my own. I’ve spent the last week twiddling with my thought organizing/book writing software program and it’s now much more suited for novel rather than short story development. Once that done, I settled down to flesh out the original plot line, but before we move onto that, I want to share my ideas behind the whole thing. Bear with me; I’ll try to be brief.

World of computers is my world. And a world you know, you feel secure in. Not because you know it’s safe, but because you know where the dangers are and how to avoid them. Recently more and more people let computers into their worlds, accept them as friends and rely on assurances of salesmen that that brilliant topnotch antivirus software is all they need to be safe. I must agree, it does do a great job protecting against viruses. But what about targeted attacks…

I want to write a book about something that can happen to any one of us. Location, age, social status, connections are not important. A computer linked to the Internet and an asset that somebody else wants, are. A convenient thing in computer crime is anonymity. A virtual criminal doesn’t have to face you, doesn’t have to feel guilty, doesn’t have to care. This breeds a new type of attacker. Completely impersonal and completely in control. Your personal qualities, your achievements, your family and friends are unimportant. You and your life are irrelevant. You are a target, your computer is a weapon and your money is the motive!

Will you be able to even spot the attacker before it’s too late? And if you do, what will you do about it. In our crazy world of schedules, commitments and overflowing TODO lists, how many of us really know about computers? Things that matter. Security. Protecting your family, your wellbeing, your livelihood. Sometimes, your children – defenseless and naïve otherwise – can understand and deal with digital matters much better that you can. But, will anyone listen to them, will anyone care? They are, after all, just children.